Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
