blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
