Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
