I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
