Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
