so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
