You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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