If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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