A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
