They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
