sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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