Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
