So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize