Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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