So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
