Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
