Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
