I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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