i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
