I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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