I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
