1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize