my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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