What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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