You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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