Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
