and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
