Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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