the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize