you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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