this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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