Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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