I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
