Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
