Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
