note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
