I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
