just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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