I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
