PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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