just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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