I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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