hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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