He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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