I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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