The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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