Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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