Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
