ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
