I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
