she was so not down for the gang bang
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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