If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
