Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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