"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
