My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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