I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
