I want to stick my p in your. b.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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