i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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