hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
