Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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