okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
