It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
