dude i'm inner monologue high
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
