there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
