My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
