i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
