did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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