Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
