this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
