Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
