And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
