The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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