ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
time to smoke my breakfast
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
