when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
