just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the condom got lost in my hair
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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