It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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