O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I cut my penus on the lid.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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