my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She even gives head with a lisp.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
