Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
