What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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