Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
