Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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